Since carrying life, I have felt so much more able to override that empty sense of double conciousness: when you walk down a street and rate yourself by the number of affirmative glances you “achieve”. I have felt full and whole in myself. Something novel pour moi!
I feel more fully alive and human and less like an empty object.
This image was taken at a Mamas and Papas event when I was 5 months pregnant:
As I am writing this entry, I am supposedly 1 week late according to the NHS. It is also my Grandma’s birthday, Elsie Bolton so I hope she comes today!
In my wonderful partner Donald Frederick Clark’s words: “The path of Pregnancy is akin to the hero’s journey”. I really feel that this is the case. It is not only an emotional rollercoaster but impacts the psyche, the body, the mind, the spirit, all facets of my humanity have been taken and shaken, challenged and uprooted. Relationships have evolved beyond recognition, plans thrown out of the window, belief systems altered and smashed! I am left at the end of it a better person: more resilient, more able to sort the wheat from the chaff, ready to face myself and my fears. I am ready to become a mother. And this incredible journey of 9 months in duration has brought me to this point.
God bless the tiny spirit inside of me with true beauty, wisdom, grace, intelligence and simplicity.